No. It’s a word we learn and use frequently as toddlers, but then struggle to use in adulthood. Tony Blair observes, “The art of Leadership is saying no, not saying yes. It is very easy to say yes.” Agreed. We find it easier to say yes and groan inwardly than to lean into the momentary (but freeing) discomfort of saying no. Newsflash … it’s not exclusive to leadership. How often do you hear something to the effect of, “… oh I didn’t want to [insert whatever] but I couldn’t say no…”? I’ve been guilty of saying this more times than I’d like to count.
Worse than not being able to say no, I have been known to give the blunt no of, “I have a headache scheduled.” At this point I’d like to share some Brene Brown wisdom … honesty should never be brutal and needs to come from a place of kindness. How true. So enough of the yes but internally groaning and lamenting not saying no, pre-scheduling headaches or cleaning the sock drawer, or in the workspace, saying yes and wondering how you’ll cram everything in.
Listening to a podcast last week, I heard a wonderful expression … “the Loving No.” I love this because it is based on delivering a no with kindness and saying no when we want or need to is a wonderful act of self-compassion. The Loving No was framed to the effect of, “… I can see why this is important but it’s not something I can accommodate right now …” In the spirit of kind honesty, if it’s not something you plan on accommodating ever, don’t suggest you will. “I can see this is important to you, but it’s not something I can accommodate. Thank you for asking though.”
What do you need to say no to this week?
Good luck! Connect with me and let me know how you go 🙂 Not sure how or where to start? Let’s chat.